Question: How did you build your confidence from when you were shy at school?

Abbie Hutty answered on 13 Mar 2016:

I was really shy when I first started school, and I think once people think you’re quiet and shy, then that’s really hard to break out of as they expect you to act in a certain way. So I didn’t enjoy being that person, but I didn’t feel like I could change – I felt trapped.

So I went to University and on my first day there was a barbeque for all the new starters to meet people and I just looked around me and realized that nobody there had any idea who I was, and what I was like, and the only way they would find out and make an opinion about me was from how I decided to act. So I decided right then that I was done with being shy. So I walked up to a group of people who didn’t look too intimidating, and even tough I was bricking it, I just started talking to them and acted like I was confident and friendly and outgoing. And then they introduced me to the people they knew, and I kept going up to random groups of people I met and talking to them, until it wasn’t so scary any more, and I realized I was enjoying it, and it just became normal.

So basically just keep doing it until it becomes natural.

But even then, although I was able to go up and talk to people in a small group, or one to one, I was terrible at public speaking, and was so nervous if I had to give a presentation or anything that I would just be sweating and shaking and a right state. And that carried on right the way through university. So when I got to start work, I thought “Right, I need to do something about this”. So just the same as before, I threw myself into doing something different and scary, over and over again, until it started feeling natural. So for me it was going out to schools and giving talks. I started doing them and I’d be terrified – but now I’ve done hundreds and I really enjoy it now! I’ve even been on live TV (OK, I was still bricking it then) but I survived and I was so proud of myself afterwards.

So basically my advice is to find something to do that faces your fear head on, and do it. If its with people you’ve never met before, even better, as they don’t have any existing ideas or opinions of you, and you can just reinvent yourself into whoever you want to be. So join a new club, or group, or go to a new stage in your life like college or Uni, and just act like the person you want to be. And keep it up even when you feel shy or nervous or like you’re being a big fake. If you do it for long enough it doesn’t feel fake, and you stop feeling nervous, and then you’ll find that you’re the person you wanted to be at the start.

Good luck! 🙂